Loving His Uncertainty

Loving His Uncertainty

Can uncertainty become an impediment in one’s spiritual life? Bhagawan’s oft-repeated axiom, Love My Uncertainty, should come in the practical front in the life of an earnest seeker, seeking Him in his/her pursuit for liberation. Dr (Ms) Radha Hanumai Garuda once had to take such a plunge to dash to Bhagawan’s Presence from the US, leaving her family, leaving the country without a return ticket, post receiving an inner call negating all uncertainties…extracted from her recently published book, Sri Sathya Sai – The Inner Divine. 

I enjoyed the company of the westerners as I said earlier. They didn’t care for Swami’s materializations but only on His teachings. That was my inclination also. I read Swami saying that nobody came to Him for liberation. The whole world only sought tinsel and trash from Him. When

I read that, I decided that I would not be like that. I would seek only liberation from Him.

“I will test you if you are real with your words. I would like to see if you stand by what you said because I shall seek only liberation from you. This is My challenge to you.”

There were some other interesting experiences with Swami that I recollect as well. Rao used to be away on trips and many times I had to drive late in the night downtown to pick him up from the airport. I used to get very scared as I was alone. I could actually hear Swami telling me that He was with me and would accompany me to the airport.

He would be beside me the entire journey and then, on reaching the airport, would say, “Okay! Now you have reached safely. Rao will be coming. I will leave and he can sit in the passenger seat.” Swami was there always guiding and helping me.

When He says that He is above, below, around and within us, it is absolutely true. It was sometime towards the end of October in 1989. When I was sleeping, I was woken up at 3 am. To my great astonishment, I saw it was Swami Himself standing beside my bed! Swami in flesh and blood! My Swami was standing beside me! However, I remember that my eyes were still closed. I was seeing Him in my mind’s eye. May be this is the third eye that spiritual masters and practitioners speak about. Swami looked at me and said, “Now you are ready. Now you can come.”

I opened my eyes and though the words were ringing in my ears, I was not able to see anyone. I was naturally not able to sleep after that. I was overwhelmed. Till now, I had been guided to books and lectures. I had been equipped and strengthened so far and the time had come for me to make preparations to go to Swami in the true sense. I resigned from the hospital and decided to take only a oneway ticket to Him. “I am coming for liberation, Swami. If you say that is what I want you to give.” Rao did not know how to handle this. I assured him that it was Baba’s calling.

“You are crazy! You are leaving all of us here and running away to Baba.” “Will you help me or should I seek help elsewhere?” I asked. Finally, Rao acceded to my wishes and said that he would book a one-way ticket. The travel agent who helped us also shared an interesting story. He was a Sindhi gentleman who did not know much about Baba. But he had once travelled with a staunch Sai devotee on a flight to California. That man shared a lot about Baba and that  convinced the travel agent that once the call has come, Baba would ensure that the person reaches His Feet.

It was the 10th of November and I did not know that this was just the beginning. I was nervous because I had never travelled like this before. I did not know where I would be staying, what I would be doing or how I would manage the several flight changes. I had always travelled with Rao and the children before that. But I had a strong longing for Swami and I could not bear the separation from Him. I wasn’t able to bear the delay any further. I prayed for an indication and a blessing.

Now when I look back, I realise that uncertainty should never stop us from following our heart. I began to spend more time with my Swami than my parents or in-laws despite several physical hardships of an ashram life. There were times when I have slept on the floor on a simple mat with a bathroom possessing nothing more than a bucket and a mug.

Loving His Uncertainty – A Sacred Path Of Faith, Patience, And Surrender

Loving His Uncertainty is a deep spiritual lesson that teaches the devotee to trust the Divine even when the path ahead is unclear. Human beings naturally want certainty. We want to know what will happen, when it will happen, and how every problem will be solved. But spiritual life slowly teaches that God’s ways are higher than human planning.

Uncertainty can make the mind restless because it challenges our need for control. When situations do not move according to our expectations, fear and doubt begin to rise. Yet these very moments can become powerful opportunities for faith. A devotee learns that not knowing the future is not the same as being abandoned. The Divine is still present, guiding silently.

Loving His Uncertainty teaches that surrender does not mean understanding everything. It means trusting even when understanding is incomplete. A child may not know where the mother is taking him, but he feels safe because he holds her hand. In the same way, the devotee may not know the full plan, but faith holds the heart steady.

Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba often reminded devotees that God knows what is best and gives what is truly needed. Sometimes He gives quickly, sometimes He delays, sometimes He redirects, and sometimes He remains silent. But divine silence is not absence. It may be a sacred space in which patience, strength, and inner purity are growing.

Loving His Uncertainty becomes meaningful when we stop demanding that God follow our timetable. Human desire wants immediate answers, but divine wisdom works with perfect timing. What appears late to the mind may be exactly right for the soul. What appears denied may actually be protection. What appears confusing may later reveal hidden grace.

Faith is tested most deeply when results are unseen. When everything is clear, trust is easy. But when prayers seem unanswered and the road feels uncertain, the devotee must choose whether to hold on to fear or hold on to God. This choice shapes the inner journey. The more we trust, the more peaceful the heart becomes.

Loving His Uncertainty also reminds us that the Divine often works through unexpected ways. Help may come through a stranger, a sudden thought, a dream, a delay, a change of plan, or even a difficulty. The devotee who remains alert and prayerful begins to see that grace does not always arrive in the form imagined by the mind.

Uncertainty can purify ego. Ego wants control, prediction, and personal victory. Devotion asks for humility, patience, and surrender. When life does not obey our plans, we are invited to release pride and accept that a higher intelligence is at work. This acceptance does not weaken us; it makes us stronger and calmer.

Prayer becomes very important during uncertain times. A sincere prayer may not immediately reveal the full answer, but it gives courage to continue. It brings clarity to the mind and softness to the heart. Prayer changes the inner atmosphere from panic to trust, from confusion to steadiness, and from fear to faith.

Loving His Uncertainty finally teaches that the devotee should do his duty without anxiety. Surrender is not laziness. We must act with sincerity, speak truthfully, serve lovingly, and make wise efforts. After doing our best, we can place the result at the feet of the Divine. This balance of effort and surrender creates peace.

The uncertainty of life also reminds us to live in the present with gratitude. Many people lose today’s peace by worrying about tomorrow. But today offers many blessings: a chance to pray, serve, forgive, learn, and love. When we use the present moment well, the future becomes less frightening because it is placed in God’s care.

A devotee who accepts uncertainty with faith becomes less disturbed by life’s changes. Success does not create excessive pride, and difficulty does not create complete despair. The heart begins to feel that every experience is part of spiritual training. God is not only present in comfort; He is also present in lessons, delays, and turning points.

In the end, Loving His Uncertainty is a sacred invitation to trust the Divine beyond visible proof. It asks us to walk with faith, wait with patience, serve with love, and surrender with humility. When the heart accepts that God’s plan is wiser than personal desire, uncertainty becomes less frightening and life becomes blessed with peace, grace, and divine protection.

He Belongs To All