Letting Go is Letting God In

Letting Go is Letting God In

“Your hearts are my home! Swami will safeguard the purity of your heart which is His home. Swami will bless you with His presence, around, beside, behind and before you. Remember three things always: Always serve, wherever you are. Seek chances to help others. Never lose an opportunity to use your skills and enthusiasm for the alleviation of sorrow, pain and distress. Again, do not omit or neglect or postpone your own particular spiritual practice. Above all, have the faith that Swami is with you, at all times and places.”
– Sathya Sai Baba

It was in September, 1984, that I first heard of Sathya Sai Baba. In one sentence I can say: My whole life has changed. I am almost totally devoted to Baba or the God within. How this happened, I don’t quite understand, by maybe if I recall some of the events of my life and my experiences with Baba, the understanding will come.

I have spent most of my life developing self-confidence and ego, for as a child, I had very little sense of my own worth. I was brought up in New York City in an upper middle class family which was highly competitive. My father was a Supreme Court Judge, my mother, an important and influential person in the United Jewish Appeal, and my brother, a famous television producer. It took me thirty-five years before I realized that I was my self and not the judge’s daughter, the producer’s sister or some appendage of my family. Finally, at 43, I realized I had everything I wanted: two marvelous, healthy children, an ideal long term relationship, wonderful friends and enough money and success. Yet, there was something still gnawing at me; something deep down inside was missing. I used to say to my friends, “No one will ever feel fulfilled unless he finds a connection with something larger than himself – the Source, God, whatever you want to call it.”

In 1983, after completing an enormous effort, co-producing and co-writing the music and lyrics for a musical, I made the decision for the first time in my life not to decide what I would do next. Somehow, my need to prove myself and my desire for recognition no longer seemed important. However, this was not an easy decision. Actually, it made me very nervous, for I would have to wait, be patient and experience the anxiety of not knowing. Instead of diving head first into a new project, I was going to try out to trust that something would evolve naturally for me.

A year later, I read two books about Sri Sathya Sai Baba: The Holy Man and the Psychiatrist and Avatar. I became completely entranced with the human values expressed by Sai Baba. I felt his love and a special vibration in any book about or by him. I had already read widely in the field of human consciousness and spirituality. As a matter of fact, by a coincidence (if you believe in coincidences), I had recently started working as a freelance editor with a new publishing company in this exact field. I had read Ram Dass, Muktananda, Paramahansa Yogananda; and they all said many wonderful things, but none had ever moved me like Sai Baba.

When I read, “Let the different faiths exist, let them flourish, and let the glory of God be sung in all languages and in a variety of tunes“; and when I learned that, unlike most other gurus, Sai Baba does not accept money, I became very interested in him. However, it was these words of Swami’s that captured my heart, for this is exactly what I believed:

There is only one religion –
the religion of Love
There is only one caste –
the caste of humanity
There is only one language –
the language of the heart
There is only one God –
He is Omnipresent.

Less that three months later, on January 10, 1985, a friend and I were on our way to India. We flew to Bangalore, rested a few days, gathered supplies and, excitedly, left for Baba’s ashram in Puttaparthi.

The first day at the ashram was really a shock. First of all, I had been assigned a room to myself by the accommodations office, with no furniture, no fan, a bathroom which consisted of a hole in the floor, with a faucet four feet off the ground for washing in cold water. This was not exactly inspiring. Secondly, there was an atmosphere of devotion and reverence that was completely unfamiliar to me. At once, I realized that I was there to look inward, and that I would have to detach from all the externals or I wouldn’t last another day.

Miraculously, within twenty-four hours, I had begun to ignore the austerities and to accept the extremely devotional attitude of some of the devotees. I would learn my way and let them have theirs.

On the second day, my friend and I were out taking pictures. We had one picture left, and Baba came right by us in the car. He smiled at me – a smile that went right into my heart. I felt my heart physically open up. My friend looked at me and saw me grinning from ear to ear. “You’re all flushed and radiant. I never saw you look like this before.” For a minute, I was totally overcome with the love I had received from Baba. Then I said, “Do you think he was really smiling at me or because you were taking a picture?” I heard myself. I couldn’t believe what I had said. “That’s what Baba means by the monkey mind,” I exclaimed. “I can’t believe that after such a powerful feeling, I could say that. Unbelievable!” But what a lesson. I felt Baba had taught the necessity of training the mind to focus, to be one pointed, and this was essential for me because, by nature, I am very analytical. I decided right there to suspend disbelief and every time I was tempted to doubt my experience, I would say, “Sohum,” the mantra I had chosen from my readings. It means, “I am He.”

Darshan means “in the presence of a holy being.” During darshan, Baba gives his blessing, takes letters and indicates which people are to go into the temple for an interview. In the beginning, I was waiting to see a miracle or to get called for an interview; in other words, I was into expectation and desire. After Baba gave me that huge smile, I felt different during darshan – more able to receive – more open and loving.

At first glance you are
But a small man in an orange robe
Sometimes stern, sometimes smiling
You smiled at me and
Gave me a glimmer of Your radiance
When next I saw You
Love enveloped me and
A tear caressed my cheek
I beg You
Come into my heart and
Show me I am One with You.

Listening to my first lecture at the ashram, I got a very helpful clue. The speaker, an American devotee and ashram resident, said, “Don’t spend your time here wondering if Baba is divine; look for the divinity within yourself.” How right that felt to me. A miracle would be nice but that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to feel my connection with God. I believe in God, and I believe in myself and in following my own heart and conscience, but I wanted to feel that my heart and conscience were not mine alone. Daily I wrote letters to Baba which helped clarify my own thoughts about what I wanted.

I also began to think about my life, and I wondered why I seemed to have so many crisis. I had lost both my parents before I was 30. My brother had died in a plane crash in 1979. I had had an operation for the removal of a lump on my thyroid in 1975 when I was 35 (it turned out to be benign). I had had an unusually difficult divorce in 1976. AND my children had been in the hospital three times within a year-and-a-half in 1980-81.

I was always a “survivor” in these situation, but I knew deep inside that there had to be a better way to live through these experiences. Yet, perhaps I needed these crisis. Maybe they were teaching me to surrender. In fact, it was the night before my youngest daughter’s spinal operation, after a year of trying all kinds of techniques to arrest the spinal curvature, and in a state of total exhaustion, the I finally did let go. I actually prayed to something or someone, saying, “There is nothing more I can do. Thy will be done.”

What happened was truly incredible: the operation was not only a success – the whole hospital experience was easy. I was able to be supportive and loving without my usual fear and anxiety. This was my first recognition of how God reveals himself, if we truly surrender to him.

In those first days at the ashram, I found bhajans strange. I couldn’t sing them in Sanskrit or Hindi, and, event though I had written music myself, I found it hard to relate to them musically. After a week or so, I began to find them pleasing and was able to feel the surge of energy they evoked.

Twice during bhajans, I smelled a peculiar sweet fragrance around me. It was the same fragrance I had noticed on two occasions back home while reading the Baba books. I asked the woman sitting next to me if she smelled anything. She didn’t. I said, “It smells like vibhuti. Maybe that’s what it is.” But why this fragrance at home? I remember getting up and looking in the kitchen when it happened but I had found nothing. The woman next to me then said, “That’s wonderful. Vibhuti is a sign from Baba to let you know he’s with you.” After she said that, others told me similar stories.

On that first visit, Baba never took letters from me, nor did he talk to me. However, I must confess that he looked at me quite a few times; and every time he did, I felt my heart opening, releasing a flow of love.

One afternoon at darshan, I realized I was blessed. Another day I realized that although I wanted an interview, I didn’t need one. And most important, I realized that where I chose to put my attention was where I would be: focus was everything. Every day I learned something new, but it wasn’t intellectual learning; it was learning from the heart. However, the most wonderful miracle was feeling totally calm and completely at PEACE for the first time in my life. Sure, I have known happiness, but this was a “PEACE that passeth understanding.”

After I returned from my first trip to India, I joined the Sai Baba Center in Manhattan and began to enjoy singing devotional songs and doing service. At this point in my life, I knew I needed satsang, as Baba calls it – being with others on the spiritual path.

Letting Go is Letting God In – A Divine Path To Peace And Surrender

Letting Go is Letting God In is a beautiful spiritual truth that teaches us the power of surrender, faith, and inner freedom. Many people hold tightly to worries, fears, expectations, past hurts, and personal plans, thinking that control will bring peace. But true peace begins when the heart learns to trust the Divine and release what it cannot carry alone.

Human life is filled with changing situations. People change, plans change, health changes, relationships change, and circumstances change. When the mind tries to control everything, it becomes tired and restless. The devotee slowly learns that effort is necessary, but anxiety is not. We must do our duty sincerely and then place the result in God’s hands.

Letting Go is Letting God In teaches that surrender is not weakness. It is not running away from responsibility. It is the strength to accept that God’s wisdom is greater than human understanding. A surrendered heart does not become lazy. It becomes calm, courageous, and steady because it knows that divine grace is guiding every step.

Bhagavan Sri Sathya Sai Baba often reminded devotees to perform all actions as offerings to God. When work is done with ego, the mind becomes attached to success and afraid of failure. But when work is offered to the Divine, the heart remains balanced. Success becomes an opportunity for gratitude, and difficulty becomes an opportunity for growth.

Letting Go is Letting God In also means releasing the burden of the past. Many people carry old pain, guilt, anger, and regret for years. These memories become heavy chains around the heart. Spiritual life teaches us to learn from the past, ask for forgiveness where needed, forgive others, and move forward with prayer. God’s grace can heal what the mind cannot repair.

Forgiveness is an important part of surrender. When we refuse to forgive, we keep the wound alive within ourselves. Forgiveness does not mean approving wrong actions. It means choosing peace over bitterness. A heart filled with resentment cannot easily feel divine presence. But when anger softens, love begins to flow again.

Letting Go is Letting God In becomes meaningful when we release unnecessary desires. Desire has no end. One wish is fulfilled, and another quickly appears. The mind keeps saying, “Only this will make me happy.” But lasting happiness does not come from collecting more things. It comes from contentment, gratitude, purity, and closeness to God.

The ego is one of the hardest things to surrender. Ego wants recognition, control, praise, and superiority. It feels hurt when ignored and proud when admired. Devotion slowly teaches us that everything belongs to God: talent, strength, opportunity, success, and life itself. When ego reduces, humility grows, and the heart becomes lighter.

Letting Go is Letting God In also reminds us to trust divine timing. Sometimes prayers seem unanswered, and the mind becomes impatient. But God sees the complete picture. What is delayed may be protection. What is denied may be mercy. What is difficult may be training. A devotee learns to wait with faith, knowing that divine will works with love and wisdom.

Prayer helps the heart surrender. When we pray sincerely, we do not only ask God to change the situation; we ask Him to change us. We ask for patience, courage, clarity, and peace. Through prayer, the mind becomes less restless and the heart feels supported. The burden becomes lighter because it is shared with the Divine.

Selfless service is another way to let go of ego and open the heart to God. When we serve others without expecting reward, we forget our small worries for some time and experience the joy of giving. Service purifies the mind and teaches that life is not only about personal comfort. It is about love, compassion, and helpfulness.

Letting Go is Letting God In finally teaches that the Divine enters a heart that is not crowded with fear, pride, anger, and selfish desire. When the heart becomes simple, humble, and trusting, God’s presence is felt more clearly. Silence becomes peaceful, prayer becomes deeper, and daily life becomes guided by grace.

In the end, Letting Go is Letting God In is a call to live with faith, surrender, and inner freedom. We must do our duty, love all, serve all, and trust God with the results. When we release fear and hold on to faith, life becomes lighter, the heart becomes calmer, and every step becomes blessed by divine love.

Turning Inward