Sneha—The Eighth Stage

Bhagavan Baba encourages youth to cultivate true friendship that exhibits trust, steadfast faith, and acceptance of one’s circumstance devoid of doubt, fear, and anxiety, thus making it divine.

Sneha (friendship) is the eighth of the nine stages of bhakti (devotion) described in the Bhagavatha [Hindu scripture] and other texts. It is usually translated as ‘friendship,’ a term that has been vulgarized by application to certain transitory relationships between human beings. Friends come together due to a variety of reasons and circumstances which are mostly of worldly and temporary interest.

People who have ample resources gain friends quickly, just as those who can distribute favors. Those in authority also gather friends, who stay on during fair weather but disappear when the authority fades. Most friendships are based on selfish considerations and last only as long as their selfish interests are promoted. As the proverb goes, “when the lake is full, there are frogs in plenty, but when it runs dry, not a single croak is heard.”

Friendship ought to be a spiritual bond, a heart-to-heart kinship based on full understanding of, and pure dedication to one another. Students should be vigilant against false and fleeting friendships, and not be simply led away by hellos and handshakes. Do not cultivate close friendship with anybody unless you know that the motives on the other side are pure, unselfish, and spiritual.

Krishna & Arjuna’s friendship

Genuine friendship is possible only between one atman [soul] and another, that is to say, between two persons who have each realized that atman is the core of their beings. Nowhere on the mundane plane, among the trivial transitory friendships of worldly beings, can you get the genuine sneha that is declared as the penultimate stage to sharanagati or atmanivedana (total surrender and dedication to God).

Arjuna [from the epic Mahabharata] and [Lord] Krishna had this genuine sneha between them. Arjuna saw Krishna as his sakha (friend), and therefore had the temerity to use words of jesting irreverence during play, while in repose, when seated with Him, or at meals. The two often ate meals from the same plate, and were ready to help each other under all circumstances. Do not be under the impression that Arjuna was insidiously overpowered by Krishna. He was mature in character, well versed in the Vedic [Hindu scriptural] lore and a redoubtable warrior and bowman full of courage and heroism.

Krishna was the Purushottama (Supreme Being), while Arjuna was the narottama (best human). It was a friendship between the embodiment of the highest and the embodiment of the best. Krishna was the avataric (incarnated) person; Arjuna was the anandic (blissful) person; it was a coming together of the avatar-murti [incarnated figure] and the ananda-murti [figure of bliss]. Arjuna was often addressed by Krishna as Kuru-nandana. This name has a deep significance. Kuru means act, activity, or karma. Nandana means happy, and delighted. Kuru-nandana, therefore, means he who is delighted while engaged in activity. Throughout the 18 chapters of the [Bhagavad] Gita, Arjuna is alert and active, participating vigilantly in every turn of argument.

Krishna’s assurance to all

Ramakrishna Paramahamsa [a Hindu master] was fascinated by the sneha that was exemplified by Krishna and Arjuna. He learned from the Bhagavatam and the Bhagavad-Gita how the sadhaka (spiritual aspirant) can go through all the nine stages of bhakti (devotion). He was also determined to emulate the gopis (cowherd girls) and earn for himself the viraha (passionate) type of bhakti—Madhura bhakti (sweet devotion)—that the gopis had. When he read the Ramayana (the epic story of Lord Rama), he decided to emulate Hanuman and practice his dasa bhakti (devotion of servitude). Of all the slokas (verses) in the Bhagavad-Gita, Ramakrishna was especially impressed by the one that emphasized the attitude of atma nivedanam or sharanagati.

Manmana bhava madhbhakto madhyaji maam namaskuru
Mamevaishyasi yuktvaivam aatmaanam matparaayanah.
(“Become one with Me; be devoted to Me; sacrifice unto Me; bow down to Me. Thus having made thy heart steadfast in Me, taking Me as the supreme goal, thou shalt surely come to Me.”)

One day, while Ramakrishna was going to Kamarpukur (a town in the Indian state of Bengal), night overtook him and he was caught in heavy rain right in the center of a burial ground. Of course, he was in such an ecstatic mood that the time, place, or weather mattered little to him. When he awoke, Ramakrishna called upon God by various names—Rama, Shiva, Krishna, Kali, and Hanuman. Then, he suddenly realized that the names all referred to the [Divine] One, and he repeated within himself the verse from the Gita that reminded him of sharanagati (absolute surrender) to the One.

What happened to Ramakrishna reminds me of a little story. The master of the household called the errand boy and giving him a five-rupee note asked him to bring vegetables from the market. While going toward the market, the boy took the note and placed it in his pocket saying, “Brinjals [eggplant] for one rupee”, “Cabbage for one rupee.” Thus he assigned the note to fish, to carrots etc. He started with a fiver and concluded with a fiver. Ramakrishna too started with the One and concluded with the One. The One becomes the many and the many is recognized as One.

Surrender absolutely to God

Many interesting incidents took place at Dakshineshwar (the temple where Ramakrishna served as a priest). When Ramakrishna was once asked to go to the temple office to receive his monthly salary, he was very upset, as he never wanted any wages for the chance to worship His (Divine) Mother. At another time, thieves broke into the Krishna temple. When Ramakrishna and Mathuranath (a colleague) came there, they discovered that Krishna’s idol was absolutely bare and that every jewel had been stolen.

Mathuranath fell into a rage and began blaming Krishna Himself. “You are adored as the guardian of the 14 worlds, but you cannot guard even the jewels on your own body,” he said. Ramakrishna reprimanded him soundly for this sacrilege, saying, “Krishna has Lakshmi [Goddess of wealth] as His consort, and for Him your gold and gems are as cheap as dust. As a matter of fact, what is gold but dust in another form?” He made Mathuranath repent for his silly outburst, making him aware of the true nature of Godhead.

Only when you surrender your wish and will, and your fancies and fantasies to God, will He lead you aright and give you peace and joy. You must not run after diverse ends and flitting pleasures. Leave everything to God; accept whatever happens as His will. Ambarisha was a king who stuck to all the Vedic injunctions and observed all the rites and rituals laid down in these texts. He was noble, sincere, and very devoted to Vishnu, the form that embodies the fostering and sustaining aspect of God.

True devotion of the King

Fasting on Ekadasi day and breaking the fast as soon as Dwadasi came in was one of the important rites that Ambarisha observed meticulously every fortnight. Ekadasi is the eleventh day after the new Moon and Dwadasi, the twelfth day. The fast has to be broken with prayers to Vishnu and the partaking of the offering made to Him as soon as the twelfth lunar day starts. On one occasion, a few hours before the approach of Dwadasi, the great sage Durvasa, reputed for his frequent fits of fury and bursts of uncontrollable temper, arrived at the palace of Ambarisha. He was heartily welcomed by the King. Ambarisha pleaded with him to proceed to the [river] Ganges, finish his ablutions and return in time to break the Ekadasi fast. But the sage took his own time and was nowhere evident when the crucial moment arrived.

Ambarisha was in a fix. He consulted his preceptor who advised him to sip a few drops of sanctified water, since that could be considered breaking of the fast. On Ekadasi day, even water is taboo during the period of fasting. He said that Durvasa had no reason to get angry, since the drops of water were taken by him only as a token to keep the vow. But when the sage came and learnt about it all, he became so wild that he cursed Ambarisha for having broken the fast in his absence and started the meal. As the curse took form, the chakra (discus) of Vishnu appeared on the scene and confronted Durvasa.

Curse too is a gift from God

Ambarisha took the curse as a gift from God; he submitted himself to it in the spirit of sharanagati [surrender], for he had no will of his own. Thus God came to his rescue. Ambarisha did not call upon Vishnu and pray that he may be saved from the anger of Durvasa. He accepted that too as the will of Vishnu. The chakra pursued the terrified sage across all the three worlds, and when Durvasa fell at the feet of Vishnu, He directed him to approach Ambarisha himself to seek pardon. The attitude of surrender or atma nivedanam (offering the self to God) makes a person dedicate his entire personality at the Lord’s feet.

In the Ramayana [a Hindu epic], too, we have an episode that illustrates this. Rama and Lakshmana [the divine royal brothers] were combing the forests to discover where Sita [Rama’s wife—abducted by Ravana] was. They were tired and thirsty. Suddenly, they came upon a clear pool and, while placing their bows on the ground, dropped their arrows which then partially sank into the damp bank. After slaking their thirst, they put the bows on their shoulders and pulled the arrows out from the bank. Rama noticed a stain of blood at the tip of his arrow and was curious to find out how it came there. Lakshmana discovered a little frog that had been hit by Rama’s arrow when he dropped it on the ground.

Rama told the wounded frog, “Poor thing! Why did you not cry out when you were hit?” The frog replied, “Whenever in trouble, I cry out to you Rama. But, when Rama Himself inflicts pain, whom am I to cry out to? I accepted it as His grace.” Bhishma [the patriarch in the epic Mahabharatha] adored [Lord] Krishna even when He was rushing toward him with His chakra to take his life. His sense of sharanagati (total surrender to Divinity) did not desert him even at the point of death at the hands of the very person whom he revered as God, “Kill me or save me, I shall not falter in my loyalty,” he said.

See God in every being

Ramakrishna had the same sense of total dedication. He was in great pain because of a cancer, and his disciples asked him to pray to the Divine Mother to alleviate the pain. Vivekananda [Ramakrishna’s foremost disciple] was desperate when his master refused to ask this little favor from the Mother with whom he was literally on speaking terms. But Ramakrishna replied that if it was the Mother’s will that he must suffer, then, he was not going to pray for palliatives.

But his disciples were adamant. They bothered Ramakrishna so much that he prayed to the Mother that he may be helped to take a little food in spite of the cancer in his throat. Ramakrishna told his disciples that at that time, he heard the Mother admonishing him for his ignorance, “Are you not eating through all these billion throats? Why regret that one throat is incapable of taking down food?” The truth that was brought home to the disciples by this revelation was that God is in each individual (Vasudevasarvamidam).

The sneha (friendship) stage of Arjuna is the stage when all distinctions between the devotee and God disappear and the two friends are one. When this stage of utter trust, unshakeable faith, and complete absence of doubt, fear and anxiety is reached, the next stage of atmanivedan is natural and easy to cover. This is real friendship to which the youth must aspire. See God in every being and then true sneha will blossom. This type of true sneha can come only when you follow the advice of Krishna.

Adveshta sarva bhuthanam maitrah karuna eva cha, Nirmamo nirahamkarah sama dukha sukha kshami.
(“He who has no trace of hatred toward any creature, who is friendly and compassionate toward all, who is free from the bondage of ‘I’ and ‘mine,’ who takes pain and pleasure as equally welcome and who is forbearing in spite of provocation…”)

Develop these qualities in you, for they are the signs of true sneha; you can you attain this divine ideal of true friendship only when you proceeding on the Godward journey through the nine forms of bhakti (devotion).

~Devotional India