From the sunken depth of slumber deep,

I was jolted and turned on,

Awakened to a flashing stillness…!

Ah! …a momentary ‘I Am!’

Drifting quick into the fleeting next…

I was sucked into a volcanic horror,

A mysterious loop of murky and muddy,

…of attachments, possessiveness and fears,

A lifer i felt here, caught up in bony bars,

Prisoned for a lifetime and beyond…

Sentenced for holding on…

Possessing the ‘me’ and the ‘mine’.

Wriggling the ‘self’ out for a flash…

Catching up with a deep breath next,

I turned on, staring at something eerie within…

A flashing reverie from the hours past,

A thought that hit the bed hours before,

Killingly haunting and hauntingly killing.

Jolting in turbulent dark waters,

Passing through a ‘million-mired-myriads’

I paused first, asking next,

Asking myself a million-dollar-question…

“Am i serious…???  Am i aware…???

That He Is closer than the closest?”

Weighing with traumatic exasperation…

Hoping no stop-gaps…

I went on with my mind-murmur…

Posing an unending ‘grilling’ unto my’own’self.

I said…

“I call Him Beloved Mother Sai!

I call Him The Cosmic Canvas!

I call Him The Source n’ Force!

…And what not…?

I hail Him ‘The Beauty Beyond Compare’,

The Incredible, The Inscrutable, The Indescribable!

My list of adorations goes on…

Yet,

Do i follow my words???

“Am i serious, do i care what i speak?”

How often He called me “Premaswarupulara…”

And my world around “Divyatmaswarupulara…”

Exhibiting ever His Love That Conquers,

To bail me out, ever to set me free…

How often He spelt it out in no uncertain terms…

The Truth Of His True Truth…

That is up for grabs,

For this me and for the world around.

How much…? how much…? and how much…?

How much has He done and is ever doing…?

All with His trade-mark Love, pure and selfless…

His perennial flow of Love In Action!!!

Treating and entreating, musing and amusing,

This ‘me’ and ‘my’ world around…

…With His multi-hued ‘visiting cards’…

Welcoming me with an open invitation…

His Invitation into His ‘ever-mysterious’ glory!

Yet,

“Am i serious… Am i aware…

That He Is closer than the closest?”

Ebbing out in exasperation…

I grilled myself time after time…

Over and over again,

“Am i serious… Am i aware…

That He Is closer than the closest?”

How often i speak about Him…

And the ‘InSaight’ of His message galore…?

His message of ‘Do Not Delay’…

And His message defining an ideal devotee,

The Adarsha Bhakta…

And how often i did it…

About that priceless ‘motherly’ plea?

That single ‘favour’ she has ever asked for?

An ideal Mother’s desperate plea…

Asking this me in her sweetest tone…

‘Would you, sweet child, like this gift from me…?’

Offering Her ‘Infinite Million’!

Her trade-mark LOVE for Beloved Mother Sai!!!

Asking and pleading this me to grow…

In Intense Love for Beloved Mother Sai!

Alas! How often i speak?

…And how seldom i practise???

Having come to this Holiest of the holies…

Sacrosanct Puttaparthi…

The Land That Did Penance…

Having been blessed with The Unfathomable Best,

His Infinitely In-defining Presence…

Am i still running after the low and lousy?

Crying and vying for a petty spoon-full…?

A spoon-fill of coffee powder?

Am i being stupid and nonsensical?

Failing ‘Him’ with my obvious and oblivious?

Knowing Him not…

Despite being ‘so close’…

Seeing Him not…

Despite being ‘so near’…

Dreadfully unaware of…

…Of that Indefinable Presence…

That Is Closer Than The Closest!?!

Now at my wits end, yet ‘Not Out’,

Thus i love to believe in the Now…

For,

“If life is a long day, sunset is far…far away”,

Thus i was reminded, always…always…

Now…

Turning in n’ tuning in…

I affirm aloud… loud n’ clear in the SaiLence of Now that,

He Is… He alone Is…

God Is… Sai Is…who I Am!

Closer than the closest,

Beckoning this little ‘me’ to plunge…

To plunge in, plunging unto Him…

Putting Apart the ‘i’…

To Become n’ Be!

To Become n’ Be!!

To Become n’ Be!!!

Having earned the breather, my life-saver,

I rest in Prasanthi now…

Now…In The Eternal Now!!!

And the writing on my wall…?

The wall that is painted in Red-Hot-Sai-hue…

The writing is clear… clear and distinct,

…And it reads thus: