Expect Miracles

The following talk was given by Yaani Drucker to an audience of Sai Baba devotees who had gathered at the Vancouver Sai Baba Centre on December 3^rd 2000 for the usual  Sunday morning satsang.  It has been edited, but only for the purpose of reproducing it in this Newsletter.

I would like to speak to you of my process of awakening to the truth of who I am.  It is the only thing that matters to me.  I know that awakening to the truth is also your only true focus and so I want to share with you some possibilities, some totally new ways of seeing, that may significantly save you large chunks of time.  In recent years, during my many trips to Sai Baba’s ashram, I found myself totally absorbed in studying, reading and re-reading A Course in Miracles.  I could not put it down.  Waiting to go in for darshan, at darshan, later in my room, I found myself eagerly drinking in the pages.  Sai Baba has told Connie Shaw that A Course in Miracles is the advaita (the highest spiritual non-dualistic teachings) for the West.  Its study brought Sai Baba’s teachings to life for me in a totally new and profoundly deeper way.

One of my favourite Sai Baba teachings is “There is no freewill.”  What does this mean?  Am I powerless, merely a puppet on a string?  That concept never appealed to me, nor did it feel like the whole picture, and it doesn’t gel with Sai Baba’s instruction to repeat: I am God, I am God, I am no different from God.  I am the infinite supreme, the one reality.  In His 1996 Christmas Message Sai Baba said “There is no one greater than you.  The whole universe is within you.  Everything is within your power.”  Am I powerless or all-powerful?  I wanted to know the truth, and I knew that I had the right to know.

In my determination to understand, I found myself going back to the beginning.  Sai Baba says, “I separated myself from myself that I might love myself.”  At times Sai Baba can be heard sweetly repeating a mantra from the Isha Upanishad: “Poornamidam, Poornamada, Poornat, Poornamudachate, Poornasya, Poornamadaya, Poornamava Vashishyate” which means “From the fullness comes the full and the fullness remains ever full, and that which is created is ever full.”  Sai Baba, who encompasses ALL being, extends as is His God nature, and in that ever full expansion, He created you.  He created you with the full power of divinity, with no need to learn anything.  He created you exactly like Himself.  You were created eternally peaceful, eternally joyful and eternally creating, just like Sai Baba.  God cannot create less than Himself, therefore it is impossible for you to be less than Sai Baba.

While it is true that Sai Baba created you, at the same time, you are seamlessly one with Him.  That oneness simply means Sai Baba has an all-consuming love for you, His creation, and you have an equally exquisite love for Him.  In that never-ending love you and He are eternally one.  That is pure Advaita, pure non-dualism.  In a moment I think it will become clear where I’m headed with the distinction that Sai Baba created you and yet you could not create Sai Baba.  For now, let us look at this small example.  You give birth to your children.  They have children, just like you did, but the process is not reciprocal.  They cannot give birth to you.  You cannot be father to your father.

Sai Baba’s name means divine Mother – Father.  He cannot be a parent without children.  Sai Baba’s creations are creations of love and light.  They are eternal, and when my will is in alignment with His, then so are my creations eternal love and light.  So, do I see only creations of love and light in the world, since the world is merely a projection of my mind?  No, to be perfectly honest with you, I see and experience sickness, suffering and death all around me, and I find it heart-wrenchingly intolerable.  You may wish to protest and say that there is so much good in the world, and Sai Baba teaches us to see only good.  Yes, I agree with you, there is plenty of good, and that good is the love and light of creating with Sai Baba.  It is real.  All the lives of exemplary character and deep love for God and fellowman throughout the ages are real, and contribute to the well-being of all.  Every loving thought is real.  Every act of kindness, however small, is real.  All noble deeds replete with sacredness and purity are portals to awakening. 

But what about the rest?  What about the wars, the violence, the rape, the murder, the starvation, the anger, the greed, the other endless horrors, any and all words and acts of separation, even a minor irritation or a slight frown?   Can I look on all those demonstrations of separation and see only good?  Maybe I could simply turn my back on them and thereby manage to see only good.  But isn’t that a form of denial?  Suppose that since every form of separation is not from God, it is nothing.  Then I would not see it as good or bad, I would simply recognise it as unreal.  I will expand on this idea in a moment.  For now, let me just say that my study of A Course in Miracles has revealed to me that any act of separation, be it in thought, word or deed, is a product of freewill, a product of my will not being in alignment with God’s will.  It is me acting in defiance of the truth of who I know myself to be.  It is me trying to prove to myself that I am separate from God.  What purpose could separation possibly serve?

Remember that I pointed out earlier that God created me and that I could not create my Creator.  The frank and naked truth is that I refused to accept that, although I am a creator, I was created.  I had an authority problem, a problem of wanting autonomy.  Following the thought that I wanted to be self-created, I set out to be different from how I was created.  To accomplish this I had to use free will so I could act differently from how God creates.  Thus I invented an opposite to love, even though love can have no opposite.  I came up with fear and hate and convinced myself that they were real.  I had to come up with an opposite to that which is eternal, so I made up time and death, and convinced myself of their reality, though only what is eternal can be real.  I had to come up with an opposite to light, so I made up darkness and evil.  I wanted an opposite to oneness, so I made up separation.  As long as separation is my experience, it must be that I am choosing ego as my father rather than Sai Baba.  This explains why Sai Baba says that you can only choose for God or for ego.  In choosing ego we choose freewill, and in choosing God we choose the Divine Will, our true will.  In my willingness to expose my authority problem, that I could not create God, the whole platform of maya-illusion crumbles.  It is no longer an inexplicable mystery.  I made an ego so that I could be the creator of my father.  It is really absurd when seen clearly.  And it is impossible!  Therefore, I could not succeed.  Only God and God’s will are real.  Hallelujah!

Though I could not succeed, I am still all-powerful, as I was created.  So, whenever I think unloving thoughts or fear-based thoughts I am contributing to suffering, separation and death, and thereby I am strengthening maya’s hold on me.  The unreal is real only for as long as you believe in it and for as long as your thoughts, words, and deeds are not in alignment with the holiness that you really are, you do believe in it.  There are those who call themselves Advaitins, non-dualists, who say that they are God, and that it doesn’t matter what they do since nothing they do can change who they are.  Ultimately they are correct, but unless your thoughts, words and deeds are in alignment with the divine will, you’ve managed to get yourself stuck in one of the slipperiest of the ego’s snares. You end up making time rather than collapsing it, until you see what you are doing and change your mind.

When I am at the ashram and Sai Baba speaks to anyone, or chooses anyone for interview, or expresses His Divine love in any way to anyone, my heart leaps for joy.  That continues to be a wonderful surprise, over and over again, because it is a direct confirmation of my oneness with everyone.  Now that has not always been the case.  I used to get quite jealous when Sai Baba spoke to anyone, or when He invited someone in for an interview, especially if they received numerous interviews, while I was being ignored.  In my determination to be whole, I dared to look at jealousy and to see it truly for what it is.  In exposing it, it became the nothingness that it always was.  Now it no longer catches me.  Your thoughts can be pure.  It gives so much joy.  Jesus said  “Be ye perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect.”  We were created perfect, therefore to be perfect is natural.  What is difficult is to be imperfect.

Once my husband, Al Drucker, commented to Sai Baba that the spiritual path is so difficult.   Sai Baba, reaching for a handkerchief and closing his hand over it, said sweetly “The spiritual path is easy.  What is difficult is holding on to and making that which is unreal real for you.  What is easy is letting go and allowing that which is real to be real now.”  He opened His hand and let the handkerchief waft to the floor.

There are no neutral thoughts.  My mind is all-powerful.  When I think loving thoughts, I am thinking with God, and those thoughts contribute to the welfare of all of Humanity, because we are all one.  Those are real thoughts. Those thoughts weaken maya’s hold and move me towards waking up.  That is why Sai Baba constantly urges us to watch our thoughts, words, and deeds.  That is why Sai Baba encourages seva.  When you help anyone, you help everyone.  That is why Sai Baba tells us to constantly repeat His name.

Can you now see the deeper significance of Sai Baba’s teaching that there is no free will?  Anything that comes from free will is not real.  Therefore there is no free will.  It is not that we are powerless.  It is simply that when we don’t choose for the Divine will we are mis-appropriating our unlimited power and are using it to make something out of nothing.  All that we’ve really managed to do is to convince ourselves of the reality of that which is not real, and of the unreality of that which is real, so that sickness, lack, suffering and death are our experience, and eternal peace, love and joy are not our constant state.  What a feat!  We’ve managed to turn everything inside out, upside down and backward!  What an insanity!  To the extent that my experience and the experience of everyone around me is less than exquisite peace and eternal delight, it must be that I believe that what I see is real.  The good news is that it is impossible to alter the truth.  There is no free will.  Sai Baba loves us too much.  If there were such a thing as free will, we’d probably have used it to self-destruct a long time ago!

But there’s more good news.  Since all the effects of freewill are unreal, they can be undone instantly, simply by removing our belief in them.  All sickness, lack, suffering (karma) and death have nothing to do with Sai Baba.  We are responsible for them.  But that doesn’t make us bad, so we don’t have to feel guilty.  If we can step into self-responsibility without guilt, then Sai Baba can show us that what we have accomplished through our use of freewill is, indeed, nothing.  Then we have broken the code and Sai Baba can undo our mis-creations instantly.

That is a miracle!  A miracle simply undoes what never was.  But any lack of willingness to step into self-responsibility for the unreal attests to the fact that we still think that the unreal is real!  You may think to yourself that this or that is too horrible for words, that you wouldn’t do that.  So then you think that it is horrible instead of unreal.  In the past I have shared in depth a rape experience that I had and how I came to the point of recognising its unreality. (If you wish for more understanding about this, then please refer to an article in the September 2000 issue of the Ramala Newsletter entitled “What is Real and what is Unreal”.)  All suffering is self-inflicted and we can choose to stop it whenever we want simply by seeing that we are doing it to ourselves.  Sai Baba has the power to end all suffering for all of Humanity, but you don’t see Him waving His hand and making it go away.  We have to do our part.  We have to take personal responsibility.  Everything that happens in your world is exactly as you want it, because it serves your purpose.  There is nothing opposing your will.  Sai Baba can only undo your mis-creations when you no longer want them, and you no longer want them when you no longer want the purpose that they serve.  Sai Baba will not overstep our choice for freewill.